तुझसे अब कुछ पाने की चाह नहीं है

पहले ही क्या कम थे ग़म, जो ज़ख्म दे दिया हरा
बाँध दिया जो सर पे मेरे, जुदाई का नया सेहरा
क्या देखा नहीं है तूने सिसकियों को मेरी?
उम्र भर तो बर्वादियों की गवाह रही है,
ज़िन्दगी तुझसे अब कुछ पाने की चाह नहीं है।

पहले भी करबटों ने परेशान किया था
आँखों ने बहते लहू का घूँट पीया था
क्या मिल गया तुझे रात की लंबाई बढा करके?
बद्सलूकी तेरी बयाँ करते अल्फाज़ नहीं हैं,
ज़िन्दगी तुझसे अब कुछ पाने की चाह नहीं है।

नहीं देख सकती मुझे खुश अगर
तो मूँद दे आँखें मेरी, इतना रहम कर
क्यों नहीं कफ़न से मेरी मुलाकात करा देती?
दुखती इस रूह का अंजाम वही है,
ज़िन्दगी तुझसे अब कुछ पाने की चाह नहीं है।

है युवक तो आगे बढ़

रोटी कपड़ा और मकान तो

हर कोई पा जाता है ,

बड़ी सोच रख, बड़ा करने में

बन्दे तू क्यूँ सकुचाता  है?

है युवक तो आगे बढ़

छू ले कोई नई बुलंदी,

उखाड़ फ़ेंक आलस को अपने

समझ समय की पाबंदी।

अपने भीतर झाँक रे पगले

है प्रतिभा का धनवान तू ,

वर्तमान, भविष्य मुट्ठी में तेरे

है खुद अपना भगवान  तू।

पग बढ़ा थाम ले राह नई

ज़ीवन  पगडंडी का नाम है ,

मंजिल तेरी दूर खड़ी है 

पाना उसे तेरा काम है।

किनारे पे खड़ी कश्ती 

रही है कब से तुझे निहार, 

लेकर के पतवार हाथ में

पानी में दे इसे उतार।

The Beginning

When I look back, the journey seems so mysterious and strange that it becomes difficult to judge where am I heading to? It is totally impossible to comprehend the occurrence of certain events which ultimately affected (if not changed) the course of my life. There is no merit in digging up the past, as the future will be based upon my present. But the 'experiences' and 'memories', which bridge the gap between my today and yesterday needs to get preserved somewhere; where I, in later phase of my life may revisit and probably understand them better.

It was an unusual early morning which was going to give life a new start. After picking up the newly bought mug and bucket, I hastily walked towards the bathroom with the aim of finishing the morning chores asap in order to avoid any possible rush. The bathroom was a block away from room 116. In no time I reached there, quick enough to join the early end of the queue comprising of hostel mates who seemed far more excited. Life had suddenly got crowded with so many people.

While going to the class I joined a bunch of Mallu guys who were staying in nearby rooms. These were the few people with whom I had my first informal interaction. For the first time we were talking something more than our whereabouts. A bag containing a classmate notebook and an old geometry box was adorning my shoulders. Somehow, a childhood feeling came alive. The first day of the academic life at college was supposedly full of possibilities and concerns. It was this day when some of the very foundations of the future relationships were going to be laid.

The classes were to be conducted in NLHC, a newly installed four storey building constructed on the modern lines. This mighty building was furnished in style with gleaming tiles, pillars and a small aquarium, and housed spacious classrooms. The rooms were surrounded by large windows from all around and could accommodate hundreds of students. Equipped with projectors and sound systems these classrooms seemed paradise for those who had come to seek knowledge. Some of the other similar buildings gave an insight to the national importance of this institute.

People had started to come for the class. This surely was an exceptional day which nobody wanted to miss. NLHC soon became flooded with boys and girls from almost every part of the country. The serious types got settled inside the classroom. Others were busy discovering places, and a few were trying to catch attention and woo the pretty ones of other gender.

The D batch was destined to be on the ground floor for a while.  I had managed to get the second last bench after competing with few friends. The class got commenced at eight o’clock without any bell or morning prayer. Clearly, we had grown mature. The perception about the professors, college and love life, woven in the mind by movies and neighborhood bhaiyas’ college tales was soon going to be tested. The life of possibilities had just begun.

ऐ मुस्कुराते चेहरे

है गुज़ारिश तुझसे ऐ मुस्कुराते चेहरे

पतझड़ में भी तू  छाया घनी देना,
बदल जाये मौसम अगर
या आ जाये आंधी कभी तो
झुका  के बोझ कुछ अपना
एक डाली थमा देना।

तेरे ही  इश्क़ के साए में तो
प्रेम पनपा है मेरा
इस प्यार की ब्य़ार से
तन मन को महका देना,
ऐ मुस्कुराते चेहरे इस मादक मुस्कान से
कौतूहल का उफ़ान ला देना।

हँसी  की ये हवा, बहती रहे सदा
इस हुस्न की बारिश से
प्यार की कोंपल उगा देना,
उन लहलहाती अंकुरित कलियों को
सींचेंगे हम तुम दोनों,
ऐ खुदा कोयल को भी
तराने गुनगुनाने का मौका नया देना।

है गुज़ारिश तुझसे, ऐ मुस्कुराते चेहरे
पतझड़ में भी तू छाया घनी देना,
और रोक ना पाए कोई जिसे
ऐसी उम्दा मुस्कान का तूफ़ान ला देना।

अलविदा

भूलना मुश्किल तो था
पर मुश्किल हमें मंजूर थी
चाहत की वो मंजिल
ख्वाब से कोसों दूर थी

भूल के जो ना भूलना था
हमने वो भुला दिया
आज उनका हर गिला शिकवा
सब मिटा दिया

तकदीर ने तस्वीर
जो पलकों में सजाई थी
पल पल उसमे दर्द था
हर पल एक रुसबाई थी

कोशिशें हज़ार की पर
सभी तो नाकाम थी
भीड़ में से हम एक थे
अपनी यही पहचान थी

जान कहता था जिसे मैं
उससे ही अंजान था
पत्थरों का वो खुदा
मेरे लिए भगवान था

मांग के पाये प्यार से प्यारी
मुझे मेरी हार है
इसमें थोडा दर्द सही पर
सुकून बेशुमार है

मेरी तनहाई ही
अब मेरी हमराज़ है
दिल की दुनिया में मेरे
आंसुओं का राज़ है.

Half Blown Kiss... (Part 1)

The third semester ended and every nit(c)ian  was eager to go back to his kingdom. After the shortest and busiest sem, the four weeks of vacation was a blessing in disguise, a break from the usual routine. November was dying and the winters had just started showing its presence in northern India.

Mangla Express passing through the Western Ghats, breaking the silence of the tunnels, going round at different curves provided the rare sight of natural beauty. The Ghats, streams, flora all allured me to come to the door of one of the coaches and have a finer look. Hardly had I enjoyed the wind passing by my face that something made me turn back. The outside beauty suddenly zeroed to nothingness.

A flawless surreal body, a ten on ten figure, the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen in real appeared before me. Covered in a funky tee and a sort of Punjabi pyjama, she presented a serene scene. A little discomfort visible on her face added to her beauty. My eyes, without a single click, took thousands of her images in next few seconds, while my mind was busy processing them all. All I could do at that time was to stare her and sigh. I could have died due to rupturing of my blood cells if she would have stayed there for long. Sooner, she disappeared into the crowd making everything same as before, except for one thing. My heartbeat was still matching the pace of the train.

Regaining some consciousness I tried searching her but failed. Feeling disheartened I forced myself back to the allotted berth. Call it destiny, fate, or my good luck, I found her in my compartment, sitting next to my berth!

I looked at her, she looked at me and silence was exchanged. You need no vodka to get drunk and have a hangover. A girl with vital assets is sure to provide you that. Surely, I was under some hypnotism now.

To break the lull the TTE (ticket examiner) came. "Your name?" he enquired. "Priyanka", she responded. I heard her voice for the first time. “Priyanka Chopra", he smiled. "Priyanka Singh", she replied pronouncing the surname with such an attitude that the TT immediately realized that he had cracked a bad joke. Sensing his situation I chuckled. He took no time in upgrading and confirming her ticket and left.

"So, where are you going Priyanka?" I couldn't resist asking. "Bhopal", she responded sipping some fluid from her bottle. So she wasn't going to give me company till Nizhamuddin, I felt bad.

"What were you doing there?” she directed the next question. Oh God she had noticed me staring.

"Nothing much, was just breathing in some fresh air", I mumbled. I don't know how I was able to answer that question. Her presence was driving me crazy. The aroma oozing was giving me a hangover.

"So, what do you do?" I asked in an attempt to continue the conversation. "A degree in advertising," she said adding "from Nutan College in Mumbai". A Mumbaikar, I thought. Seriously, the confidence the metro girls/boys have got is amazing.

"What is your job actually?" I continued asking, "I mean what an individual is supposed to do in it?" I couldn’t frame a better question. Nevertheless she replied, "We act as directors”. Seeing me confused she elaborated, “Our producer gives us a theme,” she explained, "And we are asked to come up with at least five ideas on that. The best idea is conceived; story is written and finally enacted in front of the camera".

My ears kept on collecting all the vibrations of her lips. "You know, how catchy an ad can be? It is able to make you empty your pockets on the stuff that you sometimes don't even think of buying", she laughed and continued, "That's the power of an ad". I wasn't sure of the power of an advertisement, but the only power I could feel that moment was hers. "Hmm... creative field." I said. Then she talked about the expertise of Prahlad Kakkar in ad industry, hospitality of Chopras towards Punjabis. And soon the entire Bollywood came into the picture. A detailed discussion followed the topic. Meanwhile my eyes were busy capturing the best shot.

“Okay tell me one thing, why don’t you try modeling or acting rather than direction?” I asked. She raised her brows and gave me a look. I noticed the beauty of printed tiles on the floor this time.

My 14th feb diary...

Well it might have been an exciting week for the creatures on earth called lovers, it remained a low key affair for me.

day 1: Fragrance of roses found its way out of the florist for most of the lovers. But this day made me realize a bitter truth, which otherwise i would have never known. Colour of a flower defines its aroma. The small argument costed me a lot. Red one reverted to white to make peace with her.

day 2: I knew the answer well in advance, but because the day demanded I did it again. I proposed her. As usual the answer was in affirmation with the same tagline attached to it. She responded by saying  'I love u,' cautiously adding the words 'but as a friend'. What the hell. If I had said I love those seven words of yours, it doesn't mean that you should stick to those. C'mon, be innovative. Try out new words for denial, there are plenty of them available.;)

day 3: Chocolates followed by teddies are the days totally devoted to the feminine counterpart. Alas! separated by a fuc**** distance of 620 miles, I was forced to share merely a texted chocolate and had to feel content. I seriously missed having a bite with her.

day 4: It gave me a sigh of relief when she acknowledged me as her teddy. I loved being that. You know teddy usually finds the best place to take a nap. Besides it gets the best attention anybody can get from the girls. I know she will kill me if she reads this out but I won't mind her killing me.

day 5: The day known as 'lie day' brought no more excitement. The words promising friendship 'forever' were put into my ears. I don't know the validity of these words, but they surely meant enjoying  her company for few more days.

day 6: There was a slight twist on this day. I hugged her for the first time and hugged her tightly. It was as real as it could have been if we both were together. I felt a warmth in it. After that, she fled away to mumbai to write an exam, leaving the poor soul jobless for the next day.

day 7: Missed her badly! (i really missed you pooh).

day 8: On the finale, she blocked me on fb. Ma cell is off. She put a full stop on ma orkut status and her status says -' numb'.

In loving memory of 2010!

several weeks and a dozen months,
pressure, pleasure million tonnes,
memories, miseries,mischievous fun
gone with the year of twist and turns..

best wishes for the upcoming year!!!!

Picture in my mind

The picture is so clear

In my mind,

Can't we bring back moments

Those were left behind?

Whenever get reminded

Life pauses for a while,

A little thought of you

Buys me a smile

No other feeling in me

Was ever so intense,

Than the feel of you

And of your presence

You surely played tricks

Amazingly smart,

I know not when

You eloped my heart

You defined beauty

Like no one else,

You are the place

Where best smile dwells

The time which

We spent together,

Is really beautiful

And will come again, never!

*dedicated to my childhood friend, to whom i'm highly indebted for the wonderful memories, she has provided to cherish throughout life...

Ho Jane Do Haseen Baatein

हो जाने दो कुछ हसीन बातें

खामोश नज़रों से

बेवजह समझाने में

अलफ़ाज़ जाया मत करना

इल्तेज़ा है दिल की तुमसे

मायूस मत करना

दिल के हर ज़ज्बात को

ज़ाहिर मत करना

उलझन में था कल तक

तेरी हर रुसवाई से

अब दूर करके हर उलझन

उसे और पैदा मत करना

इल्तेज़ा है दिल की इतनी

पास मेरे हरदम रहना

माँगा है सिर्फ तुम्हें

मदहोशी के आलम में

बन करके इक ख्बाव बस

आँखों से ओझल मत होना

इल्तेज़ा है दिल की तुमसे

ख्वाब पूरा हर करना

बेबस हूँ तेरे हुस्न से

अब तन्हाई से डर लगता है

यूँ पास लाके ज़ालिम

खुद से जुदा मत करना

इल्तेज़ा है बस यही

मेरे बनके तुम रहना.

MANN SE RAVAN JO NIKAALE ...!

Demolition of Babri Masjid brought only shame to the nation which describes itself to be secular.Destroying any structure which denotes the faith of the people whether it is a mosque or a temple is purely barbaric.The birthplace of Rama is the burial ground of several innocents.

Babri Mosque, Ayodhya

When I went to Ayodhya* to get a glimpse of Ram Lalaa, what i saw was the heavy army kept there for the lord's security! I fail to understand how can people even think of getting peace from the place which is surrounded by weapons from all around?

We can't undo what has been done, but is it not possible to bring back the same trust again?

Isn't it better to build a hospital there which will heal all the people irrespective of their community?

Isn't it better to build a school which will keep the coming generation away from the similar barbarism?

There are much more similar alternatives which will come up if we start searching.

We very well know that there are plenty of other temples and mosques, we can go for worship, but we'll stick to that place only. Why do we allow people with cheap motives to fool us?

Everyone knows that no temple or mosque will bring peace to Ayodhya and India as a whole.Then why make Ayodhya, birthplace of lord Rama, a breeding ground of hatred and enmity?

*(I went to Ayodhya about seven years ago, but I still find no change in the condition there.)

Mann Kahe khol De Raaz Sab...

आँखें है पथराई सी

आंसू भी नयनों के सूख गए,

एक भय उठा है सीने में

सब सपने सपनों में डूब गए.

मन कहे खोल दे राज सब

जो छिपा रखे है सीने में,
ये भी कोई जीवन है

जो उथल-पुथल है जीने में.

में भी था कभी नभ का पंछी

उड़ता नित नए आसमानों में,

खुली हवा से टक्कर लेता

कंटीले रेगिस्तानों में.

साहस की थी ना कोई कमी

मन में था स्वाभिमान भरा,

टेके न थे कभी घुटने मैंने

हर विपत्ति से खूब लड़ा.

छोटा सा सपना था देखा

जो अंत में साकार हुआ,

जीत हुई सपने की मेरी

पर अपने को हार गया.

व्याकुल कुंठित ये मन मेरा

रोज़ अश्रु बहाता है,

बंद अँधेरे कमरे में ये

चींख चींख चिल्लाता है.

मढ़ देता हूँ दोष कभी में

अपने ही भगवान पर,

उठ गया है विश्वास मेरा

उसके हर इन्साफ पर !

Love Bite...

life was going so smoothly,

but why the hell it happened?
i have started having sleepless nights
every beep saying 'message-message'
is filling my heart with new thoughts.

a strange feeling is there in ma mind
like an insane i am writing on paper 

the same phrase hundred times

and then throwing it away 

since its not perfect i guess
i've used almost every application
that calculates love
but the result is not making me impress.

the weather outside was never so chilled, for me
never was the chirruping of the birds so melodious,
and never was i,
thinking about the same person again and again!
what the hell has happened to me??

my heart is on ransom i guess,
its with the person whom i really care and trust
but she is not responding the way i want

that is making me more and more distressed!

FEBRUARY 14th

every heart that knows beating 
is excited...

every heart that pounds
is confused...

for the reason that is understandable!

it seems that the cool breeze will blow away

all the shyness and fear on this 14th!

the key of success lies in the hands of the person whom you adore the most. ironically, sometimes he/she may be the one who may disappoint u and kill your feelings .but that doesn't mean that u should fold your hands and keep waiting... remember there are others also in the queue who will be trying out there luck.

there is definitely a fear when u go and propose someone, but let me tell you, that fear is just momentary. think about the happiness u will get when the feelings that were suppressed in your heart for so long come out. if he/she accepts then u get that which was yours, and if not then it was never yours.but please at least make an attempt. 'it is better to try now, then to regret later'.

february 14th at 18 is really very special!